April 17, 2020
Psalm 86
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. 86:11
God is always teaching us. He is even teaching during a pandemic. One lesson I have been learning is in the battle against idolatry. The war against idolatry is a battle that is never finished. Once you defeat the enemy in one area, he attacks in another. Our adversary never gives up; he just changes battlefronts.
One of the purifying aspects of the pandemic has been awareness of an insidious form of idolatry that had crept into my old clergy heart.
Most of you know I have been on a three-year plan headed toward my retirement. I had this perfectly mapped out. I would disciple my replacement and then head off into retirement to spend the final chapter of my life at a much slower pace.
It was a good plan. A plan my wife and I worked at for four decades.
We had it all figured out. Enjoy the last few months of ministry hanging out with our church family. Buy a house, live off our savings, invest our lives in new ministry, spend more time with our families, travel, enjoy our hobbies, and finally take life easy.
Then it happened. 90 days from walking out the door, I'm told by the government I must stay inside. Quarantine! The stock market tanks. The housing market dries up. The COVID 19 virus is going to kill me. The whole world melts down. Really? This can't be happening. Talk about bad timing!
My emotions during those early days were nothing less than bitterness and great disappointment. Lord, this is not fair. Why are you doing this to me? Where are you God? Don't you know I have a plan?
That is what was going on in my heart. Ugly but true!!
About a week into my whining and moping I spent time in "listening prayer," where I poured out my heart to the Lord. I then sat in the silence and listened to him. What I heard that day was his quiet whisper, "Scott, you seem to care more about your retirement than my kingdom." That was my "aha" moment; my retirement goal had become a replacement god.
Guilty as charged. Yes, that is exactly what had happened. Satan and my heart had come up with this idea that I had to have my way in order to be happy. It was an attitude that made retirement an idol, something I loved more than God.
I have since repented and told God that he has first place in my life. The order is again His kingdom come; his will be done. All other earthly pursuits are secondary. Hopefully like David I will live out this pandemic with an undivided heart.
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