Exodus 35:10-36:38
Matthew 27:32-66
Psalm 34:1-10
Proverbs 9:7-8
Have you ever had a moment where you realized that you hadn't just screwed up, you had done so in royal fashion? A moment that impossibly combines the desire to run and hide, the knowledge it won't matter, the wish you could do things differently and the desperation to make amends? Scripture has a few such people, and we meet one of them today - the centurion who, just a few hours ago, was quite possibly one of the ones gleeful in their torture of this Jewish rabbi, foresworn by the other teachers, abandoned by His students. He may have wielded the scourge; perhaps jammed the crown of thorns into our Lord's head, or ripped the purple robe off of him, ripping open the wounds that had scabbed onto the cloth. He may even have been the one who nailed Jesus to the cross, then gave the order to hoist Him up, and then laughed while he gambled for our Lord's cloak.
He sat there, watching, smug, certain, ready to call it a day and head on home, as soon as the Rabble Rouser finally died.
And then Jesus did.
And the earth shook, and the temple curtain - a fabric a handwidth thick - was torn in two - impossible! And rocks split, and tombs broke open, and the "bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life…and went into the Holy City", appearing to many people. And the centurion realized who it was his actions, his sin had just killed. As all this became apparent to the centurion, can you imagine the question in his mind? "Dear God, what have I done?"
I envy that centurion. Each day I commit the very sins that led Jesus to choose to die for me. And each and every day, the gravity of my actions, and the enormity of the grace I've been given - they escape me. I pray each day for an appreciation of the agony Jesus bore to save me, to the point He saw His Father turn away from Him. The first step towards that appreciation has to be a moment of awestruck realization of my sins: "Dear God, what have I done?"
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