Blog post Monday November 6th

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiples kisses."  Proverbs 27:6


I know the type of friend I say I like to have.  It is a friend who won't always tells me what I want to hear but rather what I need to hear.  I say I want a friend that will let me know when I have broccoli in my teeth, when my outfit really isn't flattering, when my driving scares them, when I am being a downer, when I am being overbearing, when I have become a bit pushy, when I am being too critical, when I have crossed a boundary,  when I make a mistake, when I have offended someone, when I am heading in a wrong direction......basically a friend who will let me know when I have dimmed the light of Christ in my life with words or actions that did not come across the way I wanted or the way they should have.

I say I want this type of friend but the things about it is a friend who does this to me will wound me.  When they tell me I have made a mistake they pierce my pride.  When they tell me I have crossed a boundary they have tackled me where I am at.  When they tell me I have become a bit too pushy they have punched back my aggressiveness.   When they tell me I am heading in a wrong direction they have caused my forward momentum to crash.  You get the picture don't you?  The honest words of a friend can sometimes sting and hurt even though the intent is to help.  A true, caring, loving friend will speak the truth to me in love for my benefit, to make sure my light for the Lord shines as brightly as possibly.  They will also be there to help heal the wounds.

I say I want this type of friend but I do not do well with inflicted wounds (no matter who is causing them).  I have told my husband that I need him to be this kind of friend to me but I have warned him as well.  I have told him that it will not be easy for me at first to hear what he has to say, to take the wounds, but that I know I need them in order for me to grow from them.  I need him to stay the course with me and help me to learn how to listen and to grow from the words that can hurt but have so much benefit for me and my life. 

It does not benefit me or help me to grow when I only hear the things I want to hear.  Those are like pleasant kisses that make me comfortable where I am and keep me believing I am always on the right path, doing the right thing, make the right choices until something I say or do hits the wrong person or set of circumstances and then I don't suffer a wound but a devastating blow that knocks my light for the Lord out for a period of time.

I also have to remember as well, that these wounds are not actually caused by the friend giving them but by my own words or actions being revealed through them.  It can be all to easy to lash back and inflict hurt upon the friend.  I need to pray for the grace of God to help me, to prepare me and to reveal me to my trusted wounds of my dear and real friends.

By learning how to have these friends in my life and accepting the truths they share can only help me to know how to be this kind of a friend to those whom I love and cherish around me.  I don't want a lot of scars but I'll take them as I know they help me be a better light for Christ.