We took our family to see Ice Age: Continental Drift tonight. It was a fun movie that made us laugh and it was an enjoyable time spent as a family. We left the theater and walked back to our SUV. That is when it happened, when it usually happens. The pleasant family outing turned sour as the kids stood around the car in the parking lot with the door open arguing over who would have to sit in the way back, the 3rd row of seats. No one was willing to enter the car until they could secure the seat they wanted. Each of them always wants one of the 2 seats in the middle. Tonight (as usual) nobody would budge. Nobody was willing to give up their "right" to a seat they felt entitled to, that they felt was theirs. It sounds pathetic (because it is) and maybe a little foolish (again, because it is) but as a parent it causes my heart to ache to see such selfishness over things that are so foolish and petty. Not one of my children was willing to humble themselves, to put the needs (or even the wants) of another before their own. They only had eyes for themselves. They were full of pride.
This was Amon's greatest sin.
"But unlike his father Manasseh, he did not humble himself before the LORD; Amon increased his guilt." 2 Chronicles 33:23
It doesn't say that his worship of idols or sacrifices to them increased his guilt but it was his lack of humility, his pride. It was his love of self. His feeling of entitlement. His desires to be above the law of the Lord. His unwillingness to give God the place in his heart that he was occupying with his pride. His pride caused his guilt to increase in front of the Judge of the earth:
Amon seems like a fool (because he is). He saw the evil his father Manasseh did and the punishment handed down to him by God, loosing his kingdom and being taken captive by the Assyrians. He also knew of his father's sincere repentant heart – how he humbled himself before the Lord and gave back to God the seat of honor in his heart. Once humbled God gave Manasseh his kingdom back, but rather then be selfish with his power to rule (like before) he allowed God to lead him and lived a life of obedience. Amon, however, only paid attention to the pride filled sins of his father and longed to enjoy the similar desires of his own heart not the desires of his God. There was no room, no seat, for God or for the good deeds God calls us to carry out and longs to see us engaged in.
The reason why my heart aches when my children fight over which of them get to have the second row seats is because it points to a greater issue of their heart. Pride!!! What this pride says is that they are not thinking about their God and they are not letting Him lead them. They are keeping him from having the front seat of their heart as well and putting him in the 3rd row where the music of their lives can be turned up and drown him out. They are only thinking about themselves. Their hearts desire is only for themselves and what satisfaction they can gain for themselves (even at the cost of their siblings joy). This pride, left alone, will carry over into other areas of their lives and with other people. This grieves me. This grieves God.
If I really take an honest look at my own heart I have no choice but to admit that I fall into the same foolish actions as my children. I stand outside the door of my heart with God and I often times enter into a one sided "conversation" with God regarding who is going to get to sit in the driver's seat of my heart and life. I want control. I want to see where we are going and steer my life to where I think it should go. I want to control what I do and how I do things. I have a false sense of security when I'm in control. If I'm driving he can't take me to places I don't want to go. I'm not telling him he can't get in, I just want him to sit in the back and quietly enjoy the ride (or make the ride enjoyable for me). The thing is I know that when we take control of our lives it leads to pain and difficulty yet, like Amon, I still choose the foolishness of pride over the guarantee of success (true joy) through humility – through giving God control.
Finally tonight one of my kids couldn't take it any more and stopped the fighting by getting into the car and sitting in the 3rd row. The other 2 got in and took their coveted seats in the 2nd row. Their guilt was most definitely increased by this action of humility. There was silence on their part as we drove home and their faces were full of shame.
God is the same way. He is not always going to stand in the parking lot and argue with me for control. Sometime, and much to his disappointment and my loss, he simply climbs into the back and lets me take the wheel. I know that the path he has for me is the straight and narrow one so I always make sure to take plenty of lefts and rights to get me as far away from the fear of His unknown and I usually end up lost. But he is still with me, never leaving me and my pride filled heart alone:
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21
God always desires to lead me back to the paths and plans he has for me. Even from the 3rd row seat he will speak when he knows I am ready to listen and will guide me in which way to go. Usually by this time I am ready to stop the car and relinquish my control, my pride filled heart to him and humble myself so that he can lead me to the paths of prosperity he had paved for me all along.
C.S. Lewis said, "If you think you are not conceited (prideful), it means you are very conceited (prideful) indeed."
It is always a good idea to spend a little time each day asking God in prayer to help us see what areas of our lives are being led by pride. Pride is more then just thinking highly of yourself. Pride is anything where you put yourself first for your own personal gain. It can be in simple little things not just the big and obvious. If you are truly ready and willing for God to show you areas of pride in your life then pray for him to do so. You may be very surprised with what he reveals to you. But the benefit: freedom and the pile of guilt that it heaps upon us will begin to wash away.
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