December 12: Or Rebuke and Discipline

Amos 7:1-9:15

Revelation 3:7-22

Psalm 131:1-3

Proverbs 29:23

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline." - Revelations 3:19

In the last two weeks, we've written twice about a deceptive conflation of a person and their sin, the thinking that the person and the sin are one and the same, and so to condemn the sin is to condemn the sinner.  Those who subscribe to such thinking find they are unable to correct a person - unable to rebuke and discipline their child, for example.  

God makes it excruciatingly clear that that is NOT His way.  Those He loves, He rebukes and disciplines because He knows that the wrong thinking - which becomes wrong action, which becomes wrong habit, which becomes so much harder to break - leads to separation from Him.  And He knows - more than anyone, He literally wrote The Book - that would NOT be good.  So when we stray, He rebukes and He disciplines.

But for us who are nowhere near as wise, and nowhere as perfect, how not to throw out the baby with the bathwater?  How to reject the sin and not the sinner?  Three suggestions:

1. Humility.   Another word for this - honesty.  We cannot effectively rebuke or discipline a person - our child, even - if we do not start with the humility that acknowledges our own imperfection.  In Romans 3 Paul reminds us "there is no one righteous, not even one". And, quite frankly, it isn't just God that knows we are imperfect - the person we trying to help knows it as well.  Pretending something we are not, by rebuking without the humility, makes it harder, even for our children, to receive our counsel. 

2. Love.  When we are in a position to discipline, remember condemnation is counterproductive: we don't want to incite them to leave, we want to invite them back. Think of Jesus and the adulterous woman: when He defined who was free to cast the first stone, remember that HE was without sin.  He could have thrown it.  Instead, after conducting roll call and finding everyone had left, He said "neither do I condemn you". Think of how that love He showed her must have made the next part of His message - "Go, and sin no more" - so much easier to receive.  

3. Example.  Easy to misinterpret this one, and think the example we have to set is one of perfection.  It's not.  To make things simple, don't think "perfection", think "direction".  It is difficult to rebuke, discipline, correct and invite a person back if that person sees we are up to the same nonsense.  But as credible as a person who had never smoked in their life might be as an example, again think of how much more of an inspiration someone who had smoked, and quit, and fallen off the wagon, and quit again, and was barely holding on - think how much more inspiring THAT person would be to someone being called back.  

Rebuking and disciplining are difficult, delicate but essential, especially for those whom we love.  So Father, give us the courage to follow Your example with those whom we love.  Give us the resolve to do what is difficult, the humility and love to do it gently, and the example to do it credibly.  In Jesus's name we pray.