April 1

The Friendless American Male

A question for you: Who would you call if you were stranded on 95, 10 miles from home at 1:30 in the morning? That person would be a true friend. In our reading today we see two distinct types of relationships. Saul looked at David with fear, insecurity and jealousy. Jonathan looked at David with love, sacrifice and support. The constant in both of these relationships is David. Same guy yet two completely different relationships. In America today most men do not have one Jonathan – David relationship. Most men in America are alone. There seems to be a serious shortage of friendships today.

I would suggest we change that. Perhaps the greatest biblical example of a meaningful relationship is found in our reading today. Jonathan had many great military victories over various enemies of Israel, but he was not remembered for his military wisdom but rather because he was a friend of David. One verse contains several of these principles.

1 Samuel 18:1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.

1. Friendships require work. The key word here is “became.” It was a process, an effort, they “became” buddies. We don't spontaneously end up with a friend, we become friends. This is one huge reason why men don’t have friendships, we are too busy and too competitive. Add to that our lack of relationship building skills, and you have a recipe for loneliness.

2. They were one in spirit. David and Jonathan were knit together. These words “one in spirit” are used to describe the intense love that Jacob had for his youngest son Benjamin in Gen 44:30. We are told that if any harm had come to Benjamin, it would have sent Jacob to the grave in sorrow because his soul was "closely bound" with the soul of Benjamin. In order to be “one spirit” we do not have to share the same blood; we need to share the same heart. At the deepest level of their hearts, they were committed to the same goal of living to please an audience of one. They didn’t allow anything to come between them, even career or family problems; they drew closer together when their friendship was tested, and they remained friends to the end.

3. Self love is the foundation of good friendship. They were both secure men and came to the relationship to give and not take. When you have two givers in a relationship you have strength.

4. Sacrifice is the last principle. Guess who was supposed to be the next king of Israel? That’s right, it was Jonathan. If anyone was supposed to be jealous of David, it should have been Jonathan. But Jonathan loved David so much he would rather lose the throne of Israel, than lose his closest friend.

It takes time and work to develop a friendship. We must spend time together, we must give, and we must unite our hearts to create these friendships. I encourage you to take one friendship step today. Initiate one act of friendship building before you go to sleep tonight. Make a phone call, send an email of encouragement, buy someone a coffee, but the bottom line is take time and take a risk. Reach out to someone today.
John Donne, a 17th century English poet, wisely warns us that "no man is an island." We all need a friend. To find a friend today, you need to be a friend.